


keeping you with me

by ceciwrites



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Trauma, post 2x12, the omamori gets a mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2017-06-15
Packaged: 2018-11-14 07:27:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11203245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ceciwrites/pseuds/ceciwrites
Summary: After being trapped inside Valentine's body and nearly getting executed, Magnus slowly starts working towards feeling comfortable in his own skin again.





	keeping you with me

**Author's Note:**

> minor warning: there's a description a dead body in the third paragraph
> 
> thank you so much to elle ([ao3](http://archiveofourown.org/users/magnusragnor)/[tumblr](https://magnusragnor.tumblr.com/)) and edin ([ao3](http://archiveofourown.org/users/SalazarTipton)/[tumblr](http://achilleanragnor.tumblr.com/)) for helping me with this and beta'ing as well!!! you guys are amazing<3

Magnus isn’t sure exactly how late it is, but the sun is slowly beginning to set as he leaves his study after burying himself in his work. He knows he shouldn’t be working for this long without a break, but it’s been a nice distraction. It keeps him from thinking too much about everything.

It's not like wants these invasive memories that lurk in the back of his mind all day, but ever since that night he spent locked up in the basement of the Institute, trapped inside Valentine’s body, it’s like his mind just won’t turn off. Just for a few seconds, that’s all he’s asking for.

It’s even worse at night; he’s spent countless hours, tossing and turning, with nothing to distract him from the images of his mother’s cold and lifeless body flashing before his eyes every time he dares to close them. 

He’s just about to makes his way to his bar cart when he notices Alec sitting on the couch in the living room. He looks up at Magnus and sends him a soft smile before discarding the book he’s been reading on the coffee table.

Things have been rough between them since that night. At first, Alec had clearly been frustrated with himself, having to sit back and accept that there was nothing he could do to make things alright, no easy fix to make Magnus’ pain go away.

Yet, there hasn’t been a day when he hasn’t called to make sure Magnus was doing alright, more often than not, making his way to the loft to check in on him in person. 

Even when Magnus sat him down to talk about his past, Alec had listened with nothing but love in his eyes, and Magnus had to remind himself that this right here - this was love. Love was sticking around for the hard parts, and Alec was still here.

“Hey,” Alec says softly, as Magnus moves towards him. 

“Alexander,” Magnus replies as he sits down on the couch beside him. “I didn’t think you’d be here until later. Have you eaten?”

Alec shakes his head as he turns towards Magnus. “No, I thought I’d wait for you to finish up.” He looks down at his lap, a couple of fingers fiddling with the hem of his shirt for a moment before he looks back up. “Sorry, I should’ve told you I was here… I didn’t want to disturb you while working.”

Magnus reaches out to give his arm a squeeze, but he doesn’t let his hand linger for long even as he sends Alec a small, but reassuring smile. “You hungry?”

They settle on getting something delivered, neither of them wanting to spend time or energy making something themselves. 

It doesn’t take long for their food to arrive. They spend the next half hour eating, the comfortable silence between them only broken by the fading sound of the city that streams in through the open balcony doors and into the living room.

When they are done eating, the leftovers discarded on the coffee table, Magnus can’t help but reach into his pocket to pull out the omamori that’s resting there. It’s almost a habit these days, something to calm him when he has no other way of distracting himself from his thoughts. 

Lost in his own thoughts, Magnus doesn’t notice the way his boyfriend is studying him before Alec speaks. “I didn’t realise you still had that, I mean, after everything that happened.”

Magnus doesn’t say anything first, just keeps staring down at the red and golden amulet in his hands. 

It’s been almost a month since the whole thing with Valentine happened, but it feels like only days since his soul was ripped from his body. He still feels nauseous at the thought of Valentine of all people occupying his body. He still has moments where he isn’t entirely comfortable in his own skin. He still flinches away at any physical contact that isn’t initiated by himself.

But this? He runs a finger along the side of the omamori and takes a deep breath before closing his eyes. “I dropped it.”

For a few moments, they just sit like that, neither of them moving or saying anything. When Magnus finally looks back at Alec, there’s a puzzled expression on his face.

“I - I found it under my bed after we - after we switched back.” Magnus’ voice is quiet, eyes finding their way back to the amulet as he speaks. “I always keep it on my bedside table at night, and then I’ll put it in one of my pockets after I get dressed in the morning. But...”

He pauses, taking a few seconds to collect himself before he continues. “I went into my bedroom to get my coat before we left to find Isabelle… it must have fallen out of my pocket.”

He’d spent a lot of time thinking about it in the days just following that night. What if I had had it with me? Would it have been enough to keep all of this from happening? 

“Magnus, it’s -” Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Alec reaching a hand out towards him. He seems to think twice about it, though - letting it fall back into his own lap. “None of what happened is your fault, you know that right?”

The look on Alec’s face is both serious and full of love when Magnus’ eyes meet his. He’s about to say something else, no doubt to reassure Magnus, but he stops in his tracks when Magnus reaches out to take his hand.

“I know.” Magnus squeezes Alec’s hand, letting them both take a moment to dwell on the touch, something that’s been very limited between them in the last few weeks. “But I’m not taking any chances.” He looks down at the omamori and smiles, turning it a few times in his free hand. “Besides, I like having some part of you with me even when I can’t always have the real you.”

He feels Alec squeeze his hand in return, and it’s all he needs to know that Alec understands. He might not be okay today. Hell, he might not be okay for a foreseeable future. But as he lets himself get lost in the grounding touch, he’s convinced that he’ll get there. Some day.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you guys liked this!!! if you did you should definitely come yell at me on [tumblr](http://daddariossmile.tumblr.com/)


End file.
